I would love to be in a loving relationship of equals but I don't actually know if such a thing exists.
(Mental note: we have only been dating 2 months and I have only been around his kids a few tiems...drama already forming in this short amount of time from their mom). In the end its natural that he should choose his children over any other person, and if he doesnt, he doesnt have morals and you wouldnt want to be with him anyway.
I am the product of a step relationship at a young age, it was very hard and I had it good.
Trust me ..sound like a mess it will end up a mess. Most often, children live with their mothers and stepfathers. When a child is not close to the father before the divorce, he or she often views the stepfather as the father he or she wishes the biological father had been. It's hard to deal with children from a previous relationship, and when they have no discipline it almost makes it impossible. I have 1 experience with dating a divorced man with 1 adult child. Yea, don't listen to us: I wasted YEARS of my twenties in an unstable relationship that was unstable due to his bitter ex and disobedient child. My ex-husband and I still get on well and our children are well-behaved and have good manners.
Here are some views of children with their step dad:1. When a child is young (under 7 years) at the time of the remarriage, he or she sees the new husband as a father. All of our problems were based on him having a kid, not to mention the financial stain! When my ex with children proposed, almost all the women I know/confided in told me my guy having children and child support were deal breakers... I have been seeing a man with twin girls for over a year now and, as much as I love him, I'm on the verge of ending our relationship because his children are rude, bad-mannered and unhygienic.
Understand this, it is very hard to find someone that can understand you as a person much worse to find someone that understands you as a parent. We feel it's important for him to know that we are still a team. It's time for me to move on & tell him to go back to his house where he live right next door to the rental he gave her. Wow, I feel better knowing my standards for dating/marriage are not too high.
Its ok to let him know how you feel or where you fit into the picture. If we were not getting along I can only imagine the behavioral issues we would be facing. my fiance & his mother has spoiled this one rotten. I too, keep meeting these men who are bad or non-existent fathers! I think it all depends on how the divorced dad you are dating handles and balances all of the relationships involved.
We have tried not seeing eachother when he has his kids but I feel that I'm living a lie because I know how much a part of his life they are.
Before I met him I dated a few men without children and found that, if they had reached their forties and had had no children, that they tended to be very selfish.
I do agree with one thing: if he's worth it, go for it! At the age of nine his girls routinely have their hands in the knickers, they never flush the toilet or wash their hands, they interupt conversations and get stoppy if I say 'Just a moment, Daddy was just taking'. My boyfriend sees his children as 'having a bit of life and character in them'.
Unfortunately, so many people with opinions will try to tell you this man isn't worth it. As a teacher, I suggest ways of dealing with their behaviour but he takes no notice.