Dating cues

dating cues-82
This was significant because my ex hated RPGs – she thought they were the stupidest things ever and couldn’t imagine anyone she dated wanting to play them.

This was significant because my ex hated RPGs – she thought they were the stupidest things ever and couldn’t imagine anyone she dated wanting to play them.She also didn’t care for them because it meant I was spending time with my friends and not with her (warning sign #2) – but this time she relented and .

He was consistently testing her boundaries, trying to find some way to get her to sacrifice her values in an attempt to please him; her way that people will take advantage of poor boundaries.

Anyone who remembers high-school will likely recall that one toxic friend who would steam-roll over others in order to get his or her way; anyone who resisted was subject to inordinate amounts of social pressure – trying to utilize the social contract to push others into doing what he or she wanted.

This can be intimidating, especially when you’re not the most secure person to begin with.

A major reason why I put up with being treated so badly in my relationships was because I was conflict averse; I didn’t have a strong foundation to work from and dreaded any fight for fear of causing more drama which would inevitably be my fault and lead to further fights down the line.

I had few boundaries to speak of and even less self-esteem…

and I was willing to consider this treatment a fair price for being in a relationship. In fact, many people who are socially inexperienced – geeks and nerds especially – will have encountered all of these and more over the course of their relationships… Many will assume that these are just par for the course when it comes to relationships – platonic, romantic, or familial.As a result, I became the sort of person who was very good at finding excuses for why things had gone wrong – it wasn’t Why would I do this?Because I didn’t want to acknowledge my part: I was choosing to continue a relationship with someone who made me miserable.One good friend of mine had a husband who would continually badger her into being willing to participate in threesomes with various female friends.Every time she would refuse he would “punish” her, either berating her for her lack of consideration for his needs, belittling her appearance and attitudes, or just becoming increasingly passive-aggressive.These situations are often a sign of having poor boundaries – the result of a mix of low self esteem and an unwillingness to take a stand for yourself.Many people will cheerfully take advantage of those with weak boundaries; they look for people who are willing to put the well-being of others above and beyond their own in an effort to please others and make them like them.The other frequent cause for poor boundaries is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s own actions.Taking a stand – saying that you will not tolerate or put up with certain attitudes or behavior – means being willing to accept the responsibility of that choice and thus shouldering the consequences.Of course, this is emotionally shredding and deeply damaging to the person who is letting this happen.At best, you have a codependent relationship – one partner needing constant control and validation while giving up any personal responsibility and the other trying to shoulder the entire burden of both parties as well as take blame for any faults as an exchange for having the relationship. well, you’re prey for users, manipulative assholes and emotional abusers.

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